In 2020 I discovered an exercise that I actually enjoyed – pole dancing!
What I hate about traditional exercise is that it’s all about doing so many of a squat, push up or rep, you’re supposed to concentrate on ‘the burn’ or keep going until you finish the set and persevering when you’re puffed out, and deliberately trying to get your heart rate up.
Unfortunately I find those things boring and hard. And normally while I’m doing these exercises, I normally start getting filled with resentment about how much I hate the situation I’m in. I HATE being puffed out. I HATE doing activities that I don’t enjoy. I HATE how you finish one set to do another and how time goes so slowly. If there is a personal trainer involved, then I hate them too. I feel extremely happy when I give up and treat myself to junk food as a comfort for putting myself through something I hated. I would rather go to the dentist than do a F45 class at this point in time lolol.
What I really liked about pole dancing was that it’s about looking sexy. It’s about slowly becoming stronger and more flexible as a side effect of trying to look good- and not the other way around. The focus isn’t on how many push ups you need to do before doing 50 burpees, but trying to spin on your pole and make yourself look sexci. So fun! So entertaining to watch yourself in the mirror! There are not many places in public that you are encouraged to get sexy, but pole dancing fitness classes are one of them. And because it takes a lot of strength to hold yourself up on the pole, you just naturally get fitter. I was so surprised to see results in my body, something I never saw when I went to the gym (although I never broke a sweat at the gym lolol all I did was watch Million Dollar Listing on the bike).
However, I find that I ‘level up’ realllyyl slowly. And I thought it was just normal until I talked to someone from a class, and they told me they try to go 3-4 times a week.
I only go once a week.
As I returned to my car it was like my life was flashing across my eyes, where all the things that I’ve struggled to make progress in came together as I realised why.
All my life I’ve HATED practising things.
I rely on sheer “talent”, which doesn’t go far at all since I’m not that naturally gifted, and leads to little improvement.
I hated practising the piano, violin and flute, and wouldn’t be able to play any of them now despite me taking lessons until I was 16. I literally would only play during lessons and hardly moved grades. I suck shit at crafts and always got other people to do crafty things for me – I can’t even do much to my hair apart from straighten it or tie it in a bun or ponytail since I don’t know how to braid (I’ll try once from a youtube tutorial and then give up instantly).
I have never attempted any sport which is probably good because I hate practising so much.
I logically know that practise makes perfect. You can’t do anything better without practising. But I only like practising things that are entertaining for me, like social media. I feel like it’s a waste of time when I’d rather spend my energy on the real thing.
And it’s such a terrible attitude to have, because I have only finally realised that I could’ve a much better pole dancer by now.
I love learning. But I hate practicing. This is not really like a zen moment where I realise that I will always be a student to the universe but a hard truth to swallow moment where I realise that I will never truly *master* much and that I have very little perseverance