Why I relate to Bridesmaids (the movie).

It’s been about two months since New Zealand came out of lockdown now- caarraazzyy! If I was smarter I would’ve written a diary entry everyday of lockdown in case a museum or kid in the future has to do a history project and then they can use my blog as a resource lolol.

I have not been up to much, and I’ve actually come to a point where I’ve run out of things to watch, so I rewatched one of my favourite movies, Bridesmaids.

I don’t know why I love Bridesmaids so much. Scratch that. I do know why I like Bridesmaids a lot. It’s because I relate to Annie, the main character who’s business failed, gets kicked out of her apartment, fired from her job, and has to compete with someone who is trying to be her best friend’s best friend and outdoing her on bridesmaids duties, and ends up ruining each wedding occasion.

I don’t know why I relate to Annie so much because luckily, I have not ruined social occasions or gotten fired/kicked out of a flat, and yet there is scene where she sits in the couch on her Mum’s couch in sweats, crying to Castaway when Tom Hanks loses his friend and basketball Wilson that for some reason I feel like I am always a few steps from ending up as lolol (the cover photo for this post). Yes, this is going to be an entire post about Bridesmaids. It’s on Netflix right now, so I recommend you watch it before you read this.

Why I relate to trainwreck Annie

1.When everyone keeps mistaking random men around her as her partner

Oh. My. God. As a constantly single friend and person, whenever I am in a social gathering, or meeting someone for the first time work-wise or out and about, people always ask me if I have a boyfriend/who I live with/assume any boy that is standing near me is my boyfriend. It gets -___- when the boy standing near me is someone else’s boyfriend, but I know we’re going to get asked. I’m not sensitive about it, but I just know the questions and assumptions are coming. And like Annie I get hit on by random older men a bit too -___-

So when Annie first goes to the engagement party and the bridesmaids all assume some random lurky man standing near her is her husband, I’m like yess girl. Dat feeling. Das me.

2. When she starts hysterically laughing at the news of her best friend’s engagement and “gets sweaty”

As a lead-on from always being the constantly single friend who does actually want a boyfriend but is looking for the person rather than the position (can I just build my some self esteem a bit- I think I would be have a boyfriend if I was ok with dating anyone. But I’m not. I look for the personality and the person. Which has not really worked out for me), seeing my friends getting married, although is amazing, also reminds me of how every girl who grew in the 00s INCLUDING ME made a life plan of getting engaged by 24, married by 26 and in a house by 28 and a baby before 30. And I’m not going to lie, that timeline is something I would’ve happily worked toward if I had the right person by my side sans baby.

I am hysterical laughing in my head when I’m saying “oh my god I can’t believe it wow I’m so happy for you wow oh my god”. Because I am very happy for my friend. And I am very aware that this moment is about her. But I also can’t help freaking out about me. Like nervous sweats freaking out. Like why is my life turning out this way ahahahahhahahaha????????????

3. Taking her friends to cheap hole in the wall restaurants

Annie takes the bridesmaids to a cheap “sketchy” Brazilian meat restaurant before the dress fitting, which they all end up getting food poisoning at, and is the cause of the infamous poo scene in Bridesmaids.

I just want to say, that is my brand right there. I have not yet taken my friends to a place where we’ve all gotten explosive food poisoning, but it is quite ‘me’ to get my friends to some small Asian restaurant. I am very confident in the ins and outs of Dominion Road, however I am out of my element in Ponsonby.

I do think if I was in charge of a bridal outing I would not choose my cheap Chinese places like Spicy House (even though I really, really want to go. Does anyone want to go to Spicy House on Dominion Rd with me).

4. Getting jealous of a rival friend

The conflict in Bridesmaids is that Annie, the maid of honour, is competing with Helen, a bridesmaid who is perfect, pretty and pulls off the bridal occasions really well and is “stealing” her best friend, the bride. She is not a fan of Helen, and is trying to “beat” her most of the time – she actually has a meltdown over it at the bridal shower, one of the best meltdowns in rom-coms in my opinion haha.

I am a classic Scorpio. When I get introduced to new people that are friends with someone I am friends with, my guard goes up instantly and I actively have to stop myself from getting jealous and trying to stake my claim over my friend. I don’t think I’ve ever acted too possessively over friends, although sometimes it does come out. I’m not sure if my friends notice, but I know when I’m acting out of jealousy and trying to reassure myself that my friends still love me (most). I do not let the jealousy out, and it’s a very conscious decision not to, and I hold myself back. I would hate for anyone to feel uncomfortable because of me, and new people become new friends, not enemies. But if my bffs showed signs of liking other friends more than me like how the bride does with Helen, I would internally go batshit.

5. Short dresses and heels

Annie’s wardrobe – short dress, blazer and heels.

I’m 4’11. Short dresses and heels are basically how I announce to the world my legs exist.

6. Meaningful gifts

I don’t rate myself as a great gift giver, and I try to go for meaningful gifts that show that I’ve listened, or a reference to our history. I am very bad at picking things that are ‘pretty’ or ‘wanted’ – Annie gives her best friend a box of mementos that reference their childhood. Helen gives her tickets to Paris.

And I would be the one, like Annie, screaming “are you fucking me? Motherfucking Paris? I told you about Paris, Helen! I told you about this whole idea! You’re gonna go to Paris with Helen now? You guys gonna ride around on bikes with berets and fucking baguettes in the basket on the front of your bikes? Oh how romantic! What woman gives another woman a trip to Paris? Am I right? Lesbian! We’re all thinking it, aren’t we?”

And cue one of the best female meltdowns I’ve seen on screen ahaha.

7. We have the same ‘rock bottom’.

Annie’s rock bottom was getting fired from a job she hated, being kicked out of her apartment, her best friend disinviting her to her wedding, pissed off at her love interest and feeling like she had no friends while sitting on her mother’s couch crying to Castaway.

I honestly, always feel a few steps away from that. I’ve never been close to being fired but there are many times when I want to walk away, but have not been able to – especially this year. A lot of my friends are in serious relationships now, and are getting engaged- and makes me feel that uncontrollable hag laughter bubbling deep inside me that my girl is no longer my girl, and that not only is my life not measuring up but that my girl friend can’t just willy nilly hang out and have fun anymore. She has to go back home to her husband every night. And I’m not even the most fun friend – I think I am a good listener and loyal, and always up for good food and that’s it. I also tend to ignore a lot of boys. Some very likely things that could happen to me, like my flatmates deciding to go on their own and me unable to find a flat, or me following through with leaving a job and not finding another, that would make me go crawling back to my parents’ house which to me is rock bottom.

I never want to live in my parents’ house again. I can fuck up a variety of different ways and end up in a variety of bad situations, but one of the things I never, ever want to do is crawl back home. It’s not the notion of living with parents that horrifies me, but living with MY parents that is the problem. No matter how bad it gets, even when I’m physically sick and thinking about how people say that they wish their parents could look after them and make them soup, I would rather vomit on myself, take a turn for the worse and call the ambulance myself than have my parents look after me. The only occasion I miss my parents is when I want to eat a particular Chinese dish, and thats when I ask they make it for me and I go home for dinner and that works out perfectly for me.

I know I sounds very cold and they’re not bad people, but they’ve done some shitty things in the past to me that I’ve forgiven I can’t forget. Once I fainted in high school and my mum yelled at me the whole time for having to leave work early to pick me up. Like excuse me??? I’m actually trying not to literally crack my head open here??? I know it was nagging as a way to release worry but if they think if I was ever in a health pickle that I would want them by my side they can go love themselves. They do not bring me reassurance or calmness- having to deal with them when I’m already down would be a kicker.

Well this took a wild turn.

Annie doesn’t want to live with her Mum that she finds annoying and sees it as a sign of major failure. And so would I. Such a ‘good situation’, like sitting on a couch watching a movie while your parent looks after you being a nightmare for Annie is something I relate haaarrrddd to.

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