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I just ate a massive pita and I feel like throwing up… I’ve done the ‘ready to retch’ cough twice now, if that isn’t TMI.

I just feel like lately I’ve been overeating. And by lately I mean the last 6 years lol. Ever since I started uni and I binge ate fried chicken, chips, anything remotely tasty. And then I went to America and ate like I didn’t know what vegetables and salad were and late night dining was a thing where I would eat wings, pizza and full meals at 9pm, hadn’t stepped foot into a gym before and got very sick. Came back and once again on the fried chicken, chips and cheesecake binge. Started my first full time job which involved constant sitting, thinking about lunch, eating fatty lunch (pies, hot chips, toasties were a constant), sneaking out in the weekend for KFC and consoling myself from my shitty job by eating chips in the night.

And then I got a new job last year, and I thought ‘wow, I’m going to sign up for the gym, I’m going to do a lot of walking, it’s going to be great!’. Cut to me buying my lunch every single day. And I mean a big mac this day. Sushi the other day. Katsubi another. Nandos. McDonalds again. Coffees coffees. Drinks. Chips chips chips.

There was a bit last year where my body was like ‘no more’. I honestly thought I had a chest problem. I couldn’t breathe properly, I had heartburn, my stomach constantly felt bloated and I (miraculously) lost my appetite for the first time in years. Because I didn’t know what was wrong with me, I kept “treating” myself with bad food when I did eat which always seemed to make things worse. I don’t know how, but somehow I had an idea to google symptoms of indigestion and boom! Fit what I was experiencing to a T. I somehow read how I was to avoid spicy food and caffeine, totally didn’t compute and made myself Korean spicy noodles and had strong French press coffee chasing it. I nearly died from heartburn on the way to Countdown to get me antacids and Gaviscon….

That should’ve been a warning bell but instead I know how to dodge the symptoms and eat wrecklessly again. I know that taking an antacid tablet and drinking chamomile tea will relieve it, and I avoid coffee. But that’s it. Back on my bullshit I go.

I have noticed, quite a lot in the last few months, that I feel uncomfortable when I’m not full. Even slightly anxious when I am not full. I am always wanting to eat something, no matter what my mood. If I am happy, then its because I want to celebrate. If I’m sad/mad/anxious, it’s to treat myself. If I’m bored then to give me something to do. There is no mood that I’m not wanting to eat something. And then when I’m full, I’m panicking and plotting for when I might be hungry next for when I can eat again.

I tried to be good last week. But I could not go a day without eating something naughty. I could have a healthy breakfast, healthy lunch, then crack and binge eat half a pack of chips. I just can’t resist bad food. I would walk in the rain, in the rain, to the dairy for a pack of chips because I can’t get chips out of my mind. Yesterday, I ate half a bag of rib flavoured crackers.

It’s really the chips. I am addicted to chips. I could have a chocolate bar in my purse for a month and I won’t be tempted to eat it. I don’t know how to put myself off chips. I just always, always crave them. And then if it’s not chips its instant noodles. If its not those I’ll move onto something just as unhealthy but just as tasty.

It doesn’t help that I’m a foodie so I am always wanting to try new food. Fatty food does not faze me, even if it should.

I am going to tentatively make myself a challenge – NO CHIPS FOR THE REST OF FEBRUARY a.k.a the second hardest test of my life after my trials and tribulations getting my drivers license.

NO Rashuns. NO Twisties. NO Cheezels, no uppercuts, no Pringles, no stax, no sour cream and chives…

You know what’s going to extra hard? When we have drinks at work, there are always chips. And at the end of a Thursday/Friday where the last meal I had was at 12pm, I go HAM on the chips.

Guys I don’t have much faith to do finish this out… maybe this could be reverse psychology where I don’t think I can do it but I can……

I guess I can only keep you guys updated on my battle with chips, and hopefully not my downfall LOL

 

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