So I’m in love again.
I didn’t think he would ever be my type. I don’t like blondes. I thought I didn’t like fuckboys. I also thought I would never go for someone younger than me either.
Like I knew who he was before. I’ve known for a long time actually. I remember when I first talked about him to someone- I was probably 17 and sitting in Biology class and making fun of him with the girl that I sat next with. I wish I was still friends with the girl I used to sit in Biology with! You know who you are. We promised nearly every day to keep in touch after we left high school. But we didn’t 🙁
Anyway, I thought maybe he was okay after a while. But then he would fuck up. And fuck up. He made so many mistakes that by the time I had gotten over the first one he would’ve made another one. I couldn’t tell how I felt about him for a long time.
Yes, this has been building for years.
I forgot about him for a while.
Anyway, maybe 2-3 years ago his voice broke, he started working out, got tatts and started working with some new people. Some really great creative people that totally improved him. Also he said he rediscovered his faith or something like that. I also have seen his package and not by choice- I think a lot of people have.
One of my friends was like, do you want to go see him? And I was like sure, I don’t mind him, I have more respect for him now- I’ll totally make that commitment!
Anyway, I saw him on Saturday night and oh my god.
I’m in love.
Properly, properly in love. Like I can’t stop thinking of him and his voice. And the way he carried himself. I just look and listen to him and think, how did I not see you like this before?? When did you turn into this person that I can’t get enough of?? I have this one line stuck in my head- it’s when Cinderella dances with her prince for the first time and she sings “so this is love..”
Because I think I’m rediscovering what love is.
I think about him when I’m at work. I think about him when I wake up. I think about him when I go to sleep and he makes me happy.
Like for the first time I saw a man. A hot one. I thought I didn’t like his tattoos. But then they were peeking out from under his jacket and I fucking loved them. When he had longer blonde hair he was a vision. And then he called this little girl ‘lovely’ as a pet name i.e. “whats your name, lovely?” and I fell hard omg. I would probably pay to sleep with him wtf he’s so fucking hot. Not probably. I would pay to sleep with him. I just want to make him happy and touch that fucking face and that hair.
If I am delusional then maybe I’m crazy in love with you?
I just feel like he needs someone to ground him and encourage him to find things or do things that make him happy. To really think about himself and what he wants. He needs less people who love him because he pays them, but those who want him to excel. I know those people are very hard to find but I would be one of these people. I would do a lot for this guy.
Everyone said he seemed dead inside and halfhearted but I don’t give a shit. I don’t think they saw what I saw. I mean I agree, I also thought he seemed a bit empty. But not empty in a rude way. I think he’s empty in a lost, ‘I have no idea what I’m doing this for’ way. I don’t know whether he’s playing up to the meaning of what he’s doing (Purpose) or if he really doesn’t know what will make him happy anymore.
If you still haven’t figured out who I’m talking about and you were too lazy to click the links/did not pay attention to my social media, my crush/love of my life’s name is Justin.
Here is a picture of him. And of course I decide that the best picture of him is when he is smiling really big with his hair done and a suit on hahahahaha why do I force out a good boy so much:
A shave and you’d be perfect, my love.
And since I can’t find a good photo of him being blonde, this will have to do. As you can tell, I like my baby smiling:
And just like his neck tattoo, I’d be patient with you. I’ve been by your side for years now even if I didn’t like you…
so where are you now that I need you?
I know, I’m letting all my puns out now that you’ve found out who I’m in love with…. if you really thought this was a person in my life, is it too late now to say sorry?
Now that he’s gone, I’m missing more than just his body.
I just want to be his friend. I feel like he needs to smile more because the pressure’s coming down like lightning. Coz his life isn’t easy. He’s not made of steel. I just forgot for a while that he’s not different and that he’s human. There’s just one thing I know for sure: I’ll show you. Can we be each others company??
This blog post is slowly descending into rubbish. But I don’t care. I’m just so lovesick, you guys. And it’s real love. I don’t know how long it will last but I know that I will love him today, and love him tomorrow. That’s an Esther line btw, not a JB one.
And if you think that I’m still holding on to something I should be letting go of ( I mean it was just one night and he was so far away!),
then you can go and love yourself
(but it will never be as much as I love Justin)