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I’ve been looking at lots of other people’s blogs recently, and I’ve always had in mind, how can I make mine better? Why are they getting more hits than me when they’re writing just as banal shit as I do?
That’s not true though. I remember looking at some of their blogs and they write about what they did that day, pics of where they went and they aren’t that popular. It made me a bit sheepish because I was like ‘ew this blog is so boring why do they think I would be interested in their life’ and then I’m like…. that is actually identical to my blog and the purposes of my blogs before.
I stalked hundreds of blogs and their bloggers. I didn’t just stalk their blog, I went onto the social media and seen how many followers they had, so they must be doing something good with their content to get them.
My compiled list on how to be a popular blogger in no particular order and varying levels of effort, but all of these require ongoing, constant content because you can’t be a popular blogger and only post once a month or less.This is only specific for people who are writing a blog about their lives- not if you’ve a purpose to your blog e.g. reviewing technology or something.
The basics that are themes though:
– have a professionally built (or look likes its professionally built) blog
– have clear photography
– be a good writer and have near perfect, if not perfect spelling
1. Be hot and put a lot of photos up.
The photos should be super HD, pretty and doesn’t look like it’s taken by you. It’s alright if you used a selfie stick, self timer and confess that you were the one who took it, but people don’t like looking at a lot selfies.
Effort rating: Depends on how much money and how lucky you were in genetics. If you’re blessed with genetics, hopefully you have enough money to buy a nice camera. If you’re not, you will have to invest in a lot of grooming to achieve it. I think good makeup and fashion will achieve that. I don’t recommend the plastic surgery road because people call you fake, and without makeup and fashion you’ll go unnoticed.
My probably bullshit reasoning for why: Because people are interested in pretty people. They’re interested in the lives of what they hope to attain, or have. People are fascinated by beauty and wealth, because we’re all Jay Gatsby’s on the outside looking in. I’ve heard theories that we want to live through them (the word is vicariously), because their lives seem so much better than ours. That’s why we care about what they’re posting, and also why they influence us well- we admire their lifestyle, and we’re going to try emulate it because we wish our life was like that as well.
 People used to hang portraits of beautiful people on their walls because that’s all they looked at. Now we put them on TV, and on the internet spaces like instagram that we like hanging out and looking at. And sort of like having a very watered down crush, we’re like they’re so pretty. I’m going to care about what they do in their life, and support them. And Ima read your blog.
Be careful though. No booby/bum/ shots. Or this happens:

If you don’t understand what I’m getting at, how can you not recognise your girl as the most recent pic?? #15secsoffame. I don’t know who told this instagram account about me as that pic was on my blog and instagram (with no #s either!) so someone messaged about me??? It puzzles me to this day.

2. Be rich

I used to be obsessed with designer bag blogs, and now I’ve moved on to designer bag YouTubers. My recent blog love is ChaseAmie. I LOVE her. I love her style, I love her face and hair and I love her BAGS. She’s more well off because she’s really good at saving and works really hard. I don’t know her personally, but the way she talks about her work, you know she’s a really valuable employee and knowledgeable about what she does.
If you don’t like designer bags, even posting about your affluent lifestyle will attract attention. That’s why there’s Rich Kids of Instagram, which turned into Rich Kids of Beverley Hills which is my favourite reality tv show ever. I love Dorothy and Morgan. Omg guys I even got retweeted by Morgan omg look:

Effort rating: If you’re already rich, this is good. Just buy Chanel and LV bags, a DSLR and get chugging! Post on instagram at least once a day of your bags, and always buy new pieces. However, if you’re not, the effort rating to achieve your blog with this is the highest. You’ll have to dedicate your non blogging time to being successful and wellpaid, which consumes your entire life and takes years to achieve.
My probably bullshit reasoning for why they’re popular: same as the above, the vicarious living. It is my fantasy to be rich. I’m still holding to the hope that it can still happen. I think I will ever be in a position to drop $4k+ on a Chanel medium flap but I love looking at them and hear about them like I actually have a chance lol. I might not ever be able to party hard in 1OAK in Las Vegas but I love seeing the peek inside through their social media. I totally envy their life. That’s why magazines use celebs because it draws in readers- for me anyway. I wish I lived their life- and how can I do that if I don’t have content about their life to have this view in my head?
Don’t believe me? Then why do the Kardashians, whose show is pretty much watching their family argue and Kim freak out about building her house, so popular? We get to look at everything they do, from the layout of their bedrooms to the salads that they eat and millions of people are obsessed with it. The more content, no matter how uninteresting, about being rich, the better for trying to be a popular blogger.

3. Travel a lot

Noone doesn’t want to travel. Everyone wants to travel. Making content that incites travel envy is fairy easy… if you’re always travelling.
Effort rating: I have actually seen someone I know try to be a travel blogger without actually blogging- all they did/do was post instagram photos daily (really pretty ones too) with hashtags, and it’s been a few years now and they don’t get that much love. This goes for all of these ‘ways’, but you MUST blog and regularly. If you’ve got enough money and enough bravery to stop what you’re doing and go travel the world, you have to make recording it your priority if you want to be a travel blogger, which can be very hard when you don’t have reliable internet and have low motivation. The effort to become a travel blogger is pretty life changing.
Personally, I don’t have enough determination to travel the world. I don’t want to use up all the money I’ve saved so far and the greatest distance is a leap of faith lol. Requires quite a lot of $$, blood, sweat, tears, time.
My probably bullshit reason why they’re popular: Aside from people whom suffer from travel envy and will read your blog, you also get those who have bought tickets, and are googling to find out about experiences because they’re shitting themselves/ very excited to start their own adventure. Those people are pretty thorough with their researching, so if you’re going to go down this road, you have to be quite informative in your posts so that they keep coming back to your blog for information and recommend you to their friends.

4. Have a baby

I hate to generalise, but a lot of stay at home mothers tend to realise their inner storyteller when they go on maternity leave. I totally get it though- if I had a baby, something that changes your entire life and nothing like you were ever expecting- I would be really keen to talk about my experiences too, and connect with people who have gone through the same thing or inform those who are going to go through it.
There are a lot of mummy bloggers though, so you’ll have lots of competition. And I’ve been wowed at the effort that they put in, as well as how pretty their blogs look!
I stand corrected- the amount of effort trying to get popular through this method is the most effort needed, not trying to be rich when you’re not. Don’t have a baby until you’re ready. Don’t have a baby until you freak out that you can’t (that’s what I plan on doing to do anyway). I don’t think you should have a baby just so you can be a Mummy blogger. Oh my god though, if you’re a dude, being a Daddy blogger might be a really cool thing to explore.

My probably bullshit reason why they’re popular: Because having a baby and then wanting to talk about the baby/having problems with the baby/googling things about the baby is pretty common. There’s a lot of audience who have the shared experience, and feel like they can relate and therefore follow the blog. I mean, if your baby won’t stop crying and the only way to stop her from doing it is cosleeping, and noone else in your circle has this problem, or they’re not understanding your pain, nothing feels better than reading an emotional blog from someone whose going crazy because their baby who is having the same problem as you (if i was writing an essay I’d say this is cathartic). I think with Mummy bloggers, they make their readers feel less alone in the world, even though there are so many Mummies out there- mummy forums and groups can be really intense. If you were a bottlefeeding mother who sometimes wonders whether you really should’ve had a baby at all (even though you love your baby), that can bring about criticism from Plunket and Mummy groups. It’s a comfort and it’s entertaining for mothers (I think). And although they do have a lot of work to do, if they’re stay at home they have the freedom to google and find these blogs and not get in trouble haha.

5. Do a clickbait post
I guess I’m trying this out right now since I think this topic is googled a bit. Even if your actual blogpost is shit, if you have a title that lots of people google, then people will click on your blog while they’re researching.
Effort: quite easy. Most hardest thing would be thinking of new clickbait titles. Like ‘how to make a boy like you’ and stuff like that.
My probably bullshit reason why they’re popular: It’s not actually that bullshit, a lot of people know that if you write about something lots of people are searching for, the higher amount of hits that might come your way with people looking for information.

6. Call out a popular blogger/personality

On the road to fame, hitching a ride on someone else’s coat tails is also a way to get there. Not the best way- you’ll have to thrive on negative attention and people who like whoever you’re dissing trying to ruin your life to in order to silence you. I would rather have noone read my blog than people constantly telling me to delete it and that my opinion is trash and I’ve had to learn it the hard way when I once wrote about a girl I didn’t like. But if you think that there’s no such thing as bad press then go ahead. Don’t write about celebrities- they’re way too out of reach and that’s not a real fight. Plus, they already have so many hate blogs that yours will be drowned out. I would tell you to choose wisely, but then I’ll be telling you to online bully them.

Effort: This, I think is the easiest way to get hits. I guess by definition you would be popular but at the same time you’d be unpopular as well. You don’t need pretty pictures, don’t need to buy anything but be able to write a scathing blog post. The more you negative blog posts you write though, the more negativity will be attracted. I sound a bit hippie, but I really do believe like attracts like.

My probably bullshit reason why they’re popular: just like how we can’t help but stare when someone else is having a public argument, or when there was a rumour in school that there was a fight then we would all try to find it and crowd around, we all love a bit of drama. But like all fights, people take sides. And unless that person you’re attacking has actually wronged you, if you’re dissing a blogger with lots of followers, they’re not going to be on your side. You’ll get the haters of the blogger with you though.

If you’re not pretty, you’re not rich, you’re not pregnant/a mother, don’t travel, don’t want to clickbait and want instant hits and engagement (although it will overwhelming negative), write a smackdown post. Stoke the fires by arguing back with those who attack you, and if you make a big enough fuss the person you’re attacking might even respond and then you’ll get your name recognised. You’ll forever be a labelled a troll though and the ‘fame’ will not last. That should be the new inspirational quote. I think the word troll is used too much, but not enough. It’s such a great overused metaphor.

And if you don’t want to do any of this, that’s okay too. Just be prepared for not that many people reading your blog haha. And I don’t mean that as an insult- noone reads my blog either. But if you’re sick of your blog only getting a few hits, maybe try one of these ways and see if it helps.

I feel like I’ve just written a really long paper. And finally it’s over. Oh my god it’s over!  

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