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I’ve been writing to prisoners!

Yes, even though I write a blog, have a second job in writing, I still have capacity to write haha.
I saw on Facebook that you can write to prisoners in the U.S. I was really interested because I’ve always wanted a penpal that wouldn’t flake me off, or procrastinate from writing my letter when they got busy. Also I wanted someone who would actually write, not be like me writing a few pages and they write me back a page. Because what sort of person who lives in this world and has time to write that much and isn’t younger? I know that I would be dedicated in writing letters so there is no question on my commitment.
I also am very left wing- I think that prisoners should be given rehabilitation, I’m against the death penalty and I worked in university for a project with a charity that was for children of prisoners, and so I am sort of familiar with the concept.
So I chose some Asians in prisons in the US to write too. I always choose Asians because who else would think of them? And also that’s a connection for me to understand them/ they understand me better. I chose three of them, and I chose two because they said they liked reading, and then another because he said he was havin a hard time. 
And I got replies!! 
I was really sad because it had been a month and I hadn’t gotten anything. I thought maybe my handwriting was bad and so it hadn’t been delivered? But I got them and I was ecstatic. 
I haven’t been that excited since….
I can’t really remember haha. I’m not a very optimistic person…:P
Anyway, I was so excited to get them and my fingers were shaking and then when I opened them they had written so much, and pages. Funnily, they came on the same day even though they’re from different places.
I was so touched! That they had spent so long thinking about me and writing for me I was really really thankful that they did. I have this thing where I think that people can’t care as much as I care about them. This has been one of the times where I was like oh my god. I am important. People care about me. People have been thinking about me, I’m on their mind. I was nearly crying when reading all these letters about how they wanted to know about me and telling me about themselves. 
I don’t know why, and I guess this is really different from what you expect, but their responses were so INNOCENT. They were both so clear in their motivations, and just wishing I had a good day and we’re both looking for a penpal. They both were like, you can tell me everything. I won’t judge. 
With my blog, I just write about what’s bothering me. No one prompts me. Also no one really asks “how do you feel about your father?” or probing questions like that. And I also feel uncomfortable bringing up topics and disclosing things about my family. The only person I’ve really spilled my guts too was my friends sister. I don’t know how, but maybe it’s because she doesn’t know anyone I know and I trust her not to tell, but she was so truthful to me that all my problems came flooding out too. But in one of my letters, all I talked about was my family. That is really uncommon for me.
I hope that my friends reading this don’t think that I think that they don’t care or think about me. They probably are with my depressive blog posts in the last week or so! But it’s so different when you’ve got strangers thinking about you. People that don’t need to think about you, who everyone in society hates but are still nice people (I didn’t write to any pesos) and everyone avoids. But they’re still people. They just made mistakes. Huge mistakes, but they’re so nice. That sounds bad but as in their crimes are something they regret immensely, and I do feel compassion for someone who will be in prison for the rest of their lives.
It makes me feel happy and special that they’re confiding in me. And it makes me so relieved to see that I’m not being annoying, that I have different people j can talk to. Sure they’re not reliable, but they’re on my side and that’s all that I want.
I think I am a selfish person, and I’ve never felt this grateful or thankful before. I really should feel like that to my family or my friends instead of a felon who spent a few hours thinking about me. And yet I am because they’re making time for me to talk about my problems, and they’re listening. My parents would judge me for all the complaints I have about my job. My friends try to think of practical solutions which I appreciate since I know they’re listening to me and trying to help me. But these people are impartial, and they help me feel better. 
It also gives me a chance to think of someone else as well. For a few hours when I write their letter, I can not think about my job and all the problems I have. I guess it’s an escape. An escape and a relief. It sounds like I’m doing them a charity when it’s really the opposite.
I think my motivation with this is comfort. I am always looking for people to comfort me, and I’m trying to see if these guys behind bars will do the job lol. I need a lot of reassurance and comforting, I don’t know why. 
Just tell me it’s okay!! Feel sorry for me! Tell me you’re thinking of me!! 
They unfortunately know where I live though because they know my address. One of them asked what my blog name was and I’m like…… No….
A lot of people think that I’m going to get stalked but I don’t think it’ll happen. I don’t think I’ll fall in love with them either lol. Hopefully not! I may be an open minded person but I sincerely hope my significant other is not a convicted murderer.
If you want to write to a prisoner, go on Don’t go on it if you’re only going to write once. When I got my letters I wrote one that night and sent it the next day- and then wrote the next one and sent it the following day. I can honestly say I will keep writing until the day I die, or if my fingers fall off or something to that degree that makes me unable to communicate. 
I’m looking forward to more letters!! Really hope they don’t let me down 🙁 but I have to have faith!! 

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