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I hate being left out.

Not the way where people are uninvited to things. My friends are all great and always include me in things that they hold, I’ve never been excluded like that.
But what I hate is when you’re hanging out with people and you have nothing to say and nothing in common with them. I hate being the odd one out of a group, or third wheeling in a friendship or relationship. I really hate that because I know that I’m the least favourite in the bunch.
I just hate not enjoying myself, not having someone talk to me and just being glassed over. If there’s a social interaction coming up that I think there’s a chance of that happening, I will normally skip out. I HATE being left out. I spent most of my childhood feeling like I didn’t fit in. I’m determined to not feel like that as an adult, or at least try avoid it when I can. 
I just feel so belittled, like I’m not wanted or recognised in the conversation. It makes me feel like a tagalong, and I just really dislike that feeling. 
Although the people that know me would say that I talk quite a bit, when it comes to topics and people I don’t know much about, I normally don’t say anything. One thing that people talk about a lot that I have no clue about all the time is reality competition shows that people watch. Lots of people like watching the Bachelor, those house renovation shows, my kitchen rules, nzs got talent or whatever. But I HATE those types of shoes lol. And I’m not a person that creates conflict, so if two people are talking about the Bachelor, I’m not going to start declaring about how I hate it, how I find the bachelor boring, ugly, etc. I’m just not going to say anything. And that leads to me being shut out of the conversation. And then I have a tendency to walk away, bc when I say I refuse to feel like the odd one out again it makes me look really socially broken when I just walk away from the conversation when I was supposed to be a part of it.
I can’t help it! It’s like my brain is like nope. We’re not putting up with this, we’re escaping immediately. So I just walk away. And then people go “where did Esther go?” 
Well I left the conversation mentally a long time ago, and you didn’t notice. I just left physically too. 
Luckily I don’t experience this much anymore, because all the people I surround myself with are really close to me and I know how to talk to them, and I’ve become comfortable with them. 
But nothing intimidates me more than going to a room with people that all know each other, or a situation where I have to work really hard to be included in the conversation. 
So yeah. I wrote this on a bus where I’m trying to avoid someone lololol what’s a subtweet I just majorly subblog 

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