I was really excited because I went to see 50 Shades of Grey on Thursday and it was a special screening called ‘Chicks at Flicks’ where I got a goodie bag full of stuff. It was great! I got an extremely watered down cider but then a Kapiti raspberry and white chocolate ice cream so it was amazing. Then me and my friend got given more shampoo and conditioner by these two girls next to us because they were hairdressers and didn’t want the samples! Amazing. Food, a really good shaver, three magazines and more, really good!
But the actual movie- I felt the book was a lot worse than the movie. The movie was tame. Tame! If there should be any hoopla about banning stuff, it should’ve been around the book, but just goes to show how many people read! I also saw a post defending 50 Shades and I was like hmmm I don’t really agree.
First things first though: There is nothing wrong with the sex. The sex is great. The sex is fine! BDSM floats a lot of people’s boats, and if you and a partner find it sexy and you know what to do, than fine.
My main >:( about 50 Shades is that
1) the relationship is SO UNHEALTHY
2) the attitude toward BDSM, and how BDSM is portrayed is really bad too.
But the movie is TAME ALRIGHT. READ THE BOOK PEOPLE.
Ana in the book, and the reader/audience is made to think of BDSM like some sort of sick sex play. Like in an ew why would you let anyone whip you way and this is so fucked up way. This is even seen in Christian saying about himself: “I’m 50 shades of fucked up”. It’s revealed that he goes to therapy to deal with his kink for BDSM.
I don’t like this because it’s a kink. It’s just a kink. A lot of people find BDSM, or aspects of BDSM sexy. It’s not sick, and it’s not a psychological manisfestation of some mental wound that needs to be healed. Here we have kink shaming. It’s not sick, it turns him and a lot of people in the world on, who are we, Ana and inadvertently the author to judge preferences about sex and deem it unhealthy? Sex isn’t just missionary vanilla and I’m sure everyone has what they find sexy. I mean, I found when Christian tied her hands to the headboard and puled her shirt over her eyes so she couldn’t see superhot. In the book when they have bath sex-hot. Spanking- I would, and have been down (oh my). I hate judgement, and I think it’s so dumb to judge BDSM when we have our own kinks, PLUS HOW MISINFORMED THE READER/AUDIENCE/CHARACTERS IN THE BOOK ARE.
BDSM is not whippy whippy tie you up for the man’s enjoyment, it’s for both participants of sex please. What’s wrong with 50 Shade’s portrayal of BDSM is that it makes it seem like Christian is in all control of everything since he is the dominant. That the submissive just has to endure.
Actually, BDSM is total powerplay. The submissive is letting the dominant do what they want, because it also turns the submissive on. The dominant is actually giving the sub what they want, and doing what they want. If a sub was like “treat me like a good girl today” then the dom should. If she/he says “treat me like a total slut” then the dom does. The dom is doing what the sub likes and finds sexy too. If one of them doesn’t like it, they can stop the scene using safe words.
Which, Christian, or a dom, is supposed to exercise to show that there is trust and consent is considered. Christian is supposed to push the limits to try get to a safe word, so that when Ana or a sub says yellow, which is the warning safe word, he has to stop so it shows the sub that the dom is really listening and that they wouldn’t do anything that the sub doesn’t want. It shows the submissive party that they can give in, and can trust the dom to stop when it gets too much.
In one scene, Christian comes over, spanks Ana and then goes back home, leaving Ana in tears. Apart from the consent issue (which I will get into later), Christian… there’s a thing in the BDSM world called AFTERCARE.
I think 50 Shades shows the authors lack of knowledge of BDSM. I’m sorry, but I really do think she’s probably a bored housewife who watches too much BDSM porn. Because porn doesn’t show aftercare, or any communication between the parties, which is quite evident during the sex scenes in the book. Aftercare is when the dom takes care of the sub afterwards, pampering them, making sure they are okay because the aim of sex is to not actually physically or mentally scar the other person. When the sex is over you have to make sure that the above doesn’t happen, and builds more trust.
Also, if Ana was being punished by spanking, it’s sort of customary to tell the other person if they’re forgiven or not..?? Because Christian doesn’t. He’s all “I’m going to punish you so bad, bye”. A good dom would tell Ana, and then leave after he/she was sure the other was okay. AFTERCARE. Arguably better than sex. Not that I would know, but the idea of aftercare seems very nice. it’s like post sex cuddles but more tender.
Can you figure where my kinks sort of lie? /offtopic
Wanting to be dominant or submissive in sex is not sick or wrong. Finding pain or inflicting it is not sick or wrong… unless one person doesn’t like it.
What is wrong about 50 Shades, and what people should be judging about, is the CONSENT. Ana seems to be having doubts the whole time, and even though she does want to, saying she wants him to show her and etc, he never asks “is this okay?” or “is this what you want?”. Plus the contract is supposed to be her written consent, and the fact that she doesn’t sign it at all in the movie and book means that she doesn’t give her consent. And that’s just so rapey to me.
This passive female character who can’t say no and still runs back to her man even though she demands him to treat her better is the real 50 shades of fucked up. She doesn’t seem to like what is happening to her, and doesn’t even know what’s happening to her, and SILENCE DOES NOT EQUAL CONSENT. She never says what she likes. It’s all about what Christian likes. Christian stalks her across the country, controls what she eats and what she wears, and she never says whether she likes that or not. He gets mad when she wants to visit her mother (like wut) and says she’s allowed no say whatsoever to how the relationship goes. If Ana says she doesn’t want to see him, he pops up in her bedroom. She doesn’t answer his phonecall, he pops up in the middle of her meeting. And if Ana says she wants more and wants to sleep in the same bed as him it’s all NO NO NO NO NO STAY AWAY FROM ME BECAUSE THAT IS NOT WHAT I WANT. YOU DON’T GET TO SAY WHAT YOU DON’T WANT OR WANT. ONLY MEEEEEEEEE I DON’T MAKE LOVE I FUCCCCCKKK HAAARRD EVEN IF YOU ARE A VIRGIN IDC IF YOU’RE NERVOUS OR HURT.
like even Edward just lay there and watched Bella sleep all the time :/ She even slept on a couch in his room because he didn’t have a bed. And he was a vampire who wanted to eat her 3000% of the time.
The “relationship” is SO FUCKED UP. Because of their bad relationship, I don’t really like the books. They spend the majority of it fighting, and tbh, I didn’t want them to end up together. The end was so cliched as well, they end up married and Ana is having her second kid. Like um. Are we really saying that the best and happiest ending for a woman is to change a man and pop out babies? Like that is not really a happy ending to me. Such an outdated romance, it what I’d call it. A happy ending would be where both Christian and Ana are very happy and very in love.
But do I think 50 Shades should be banned? No. I think people should be able to be given the choice of what they want to watch/read, and not have people banning it for everyone. I’ve seen people sharing a petition to boycott 50 Shades because it ruins the sanctity of love but like…. this reasoning.. can be put… on like everything… why wasn’t there one on Warm Bodies which is about a zombie and a human girl…isn’t that like necrophilia.. plus Nicholas Hoult is my bae and I was really jealous in that movie…
I believe people should have a choice in everything as long as it doesn’t harm people who don’t want to participate, so I am pro-abortion, pro-vaccination. If you don’t want to watch 50 Shades then don’t watch it. I’m sure it’s not going to ruin “love” any more than High School Musical which pretty much said that if you don’t find your soulmate in high school than you’re not normal. If people find an interest in what 50 Shades was about, they probably will google/watch some BDSM porn/research better than Ana did (she didn’t even google what a butt plug was). I hope that someone can think to themselves “I don’t want to be whipped so I won’t ask my boyfriend/girlfriend to whip me” and not “I don’t want to be flogged but they did it in the movie and I didn’t find it sexy, but I’m going to ask my boyfriend or girlfriend to flog me, and even if they do and it hurts and I don’t like it and I want it to stop, I shall let them beat me until I am mentally scarred’. Good luck finding someone who would flog you without your consent as well (and if you do find someone who would flog you if you didn’t want to, call the police).
But however, I do agree with the banning about The Interview, as bad as it sounds. I like how it is being released on the internet instead of in cinemas. I do like how it’s making fun of North Korea and I do hope that Kim Jong Un sees it- but I don’t like what The Interview could’ve become. As I said before, I believe that as long as it doesn’t harm people who don’t want to participate, it should be allowed. But I bet if The Interview came out and all these people saw it, that the Asian accent would be mocked so much. I bet schoolkids who saw the movie in the weekend would come to class mocking the accent in sight of/to Asian kids because that’s what shitty kids do. I bet there would be more “are you from North or South Korea” questions to Koreans, more “do you eat dogs” and “are your penises really that small”. and I don’t think the movie is satire but just more fuel for ignorant and hurtful comments. The movie makes North Korea the butt of the joke, but because shitty (white) people can’t tell Asians apart and group them all together, it just means that Asians are the butt of the joke. And I of course, am not down with that.
Also the group that is floating copies of The Interview to North Korea- um. Have you even researched North Korea? If that DVD lands in one in the hands of an innocent person you are trying to “free”, then you’ve pretty much killed them. The point of North Korea is that the truth doesn’t set you free..??????????
All in all
a) 50 Shades is not romantic, if you ever find yourself in a relationship where you cry all the time and feel like your partner doesn’t listen to you and all they do is hurt you, it’s not okay
b) but if you find BDSM hot and you find someone who also finds it hot and you trust each other to try it and to stop when one of you don’t feel it anymore, it is okay
c) I’m not telling you what I like until I’m rich and famous and it’ll only add to my online presence lol