So I was on this whole like creative streak and then I got distracted by another TV series. Sigh. Gossip girl. I used to watch Gossip Girl when I was 15, got hooked into it again.
I remember watching it and wishing that I was like them- filthy dirty rich, everything handed to them on a silver plate. Families with connections, always full of amazing opportunities and experiences.
But I am a total Dan Humphrey or Great Gatsby- no matter how much I want to be in that high class, no matter if I manage to make lots of lots of money and become a billionaire, I will never ever fit in with the high class in this life because I wasn’t born into it.
But I still try, just a little bit…
So here is my guide on how to look slightly rich, and lie trying. I mean, what you are is all about how people perceive you right? Here are some ways to make people think you might be a little bit well off.
Disclaimer: This is only for appearances. You won’t actually become rich, and even if you manage to fool your friends into thinking you are well off or worse, fall into the rich crowd, you’re gonna have to come up with your own ways for paying for even the cheapest thing on the menu when you hang out with them and worming out of expensive plans okkkaayyy I have no responsibility at all!
1. Buy coffee
Nothing is more classy and indicative of wealth then turning up somewhere with a takeaway coffee cup in hand. By being a fan of coffee, it means you have acquired a taste of coffee and are sophisticated. By buying professionally made coffee it means you’re so sophisticated you’re a snob. It will even work if you get some shitty filter coffee from Burger King or McDonalds, but that isn’t very advisable. Remember how when you were little, your parents would say you wouldn’t like coffee, and when you did try it, it was bitter and you didn’t like it? Carrying a coffee signals to the world that you are grown up now. You are an independent adult who likes the taste of bitter drinks because it’s like ingesting the taste of your soul after going through the harshness of life. It’s also a little sign of wealth- a large frozen coke is $1. A regular coffee is like $3.50 if it’s not at Starbucks. If you want to look really rich, buy Starbucks. But $5 is too much for one cup of drink for me, and I would personally advise against this if you are trying to look rich but you actually aren’t. Save that dollar for another day!
2. Be careful where you shop
We’re going to be talking brands here, and this is as superficial as it gets. Observe and look around, what sort of jewellery or clothes is everyone who looks rich seems to wear? Any objects that represent wealth? Amongst my friends, it’s rings, and I will use that example.
Sometimes, its all in the name. Everyone in my circles wants a Karen Walker ring or a Pandora ring. Another might be Meadowlark. Their rings are about $70, and here is where your dedication and whether you looking cheap/rich can be shown.
If you are willing to spend $70 on like, seven crappy things and not one good thing, that is where you might start looking poor. From experience as a poor person, the first instinct is to go quantity over quality. Saying “I can’t afford a $69 cat ring” and then spending $70 in a day because you watched a movie, ate lunch then bought a few cheap clothes? Pick one and restrain yourself afterwards. The brand thing is very important too. You could buy like a $200 ring from another jewellery store, but to the untrained and judgemental eye of young peers, a $70-ish ring carries instant prestige and is like a tiny little signal for wealth. I have two lol
Bought this cat ring for myself lol
An indie pic of me picking blueberries with my Pandora ring
Be careful, careful, careful with the brands. Maybe number one shoe warehouse has shoes that look just like Converse but on the back they say some no name brand? Those shoes are $20 while real Converse, can be $60 if you know where to look, and you know which one makes you look richer. Plus, think about it: Converse will last. Those cheapo shoes will rip, if you bought them again you should’ve just bought the real deal since it’s going to last longer and you have already paid off 2/3 of real Chucks. You know which brands to show off and which not to without me telling you, hopefully. I approve of good knockoffs too hahaha. I have a Chanel earring, did I ever tell you? It cost me $7 hahaha
But be very careful: sometimes the brands don’t matter. For example, you won’t get judged for buying budget branded food. But you will be judged if you buy a better label of food than the budget one even though it’s the same thing. As long as a piece of clothing doesn’t have a no name brand anywhere that is seen, and I mean NOWHERE (not even written in teeny tiny writing by elves) it can be pass off to look rich.
Which leads on to the next point:
3. Biggest mistake of poor people trying to look rich: Quantity over quality!!
It was really hard for me to get rid of this thinking. I always wanted more, because I had nothing. But you must remember, restraint is admirable and losing control is not. Throwing away money doesn’t mean you’re rich: it means you don’t know what to do with it. If you waste money by buying lots of useless and bad quality shit, I can smell how fresh having money is to you. I know this because this is what I used to do. Look back to my posts in 2012 where I did a haul of things here. WHAT THE FUCK MUCH REGRET. Did you see how much I spent?? If I could go back in time and buy myself things that would actually last! I have wasted a lot of money. Noone’s going to judge you if you say no to that $5 top and think you’re cheap if you have followed my above steps. There will judgement if you buy five in different colours.
4. Have style
Can’t afford any of this shit? Make it look like it’s your personal choice, not a financial one. If you look like you’re in control of your paper and not the other way around (even if it’s true) everyone will think you are rich anyway. If you have a distinct style, even if you were the same clothes every week but in different combinations no one will care. You’ll just look picky, not poor. BUT THE THING IS YOU MUST HAVE STYLE WHICH NOT EVERYONE HAS. I DON’T REALLY HAVE IT. My perfect style would be to look hot tbh. That’s why I lean towards clothes that reveal skin. However, there are many days I run out with my geek glasses on, a gigantic sweater and my makeup caking. Just because I want to look like I have a style doesn’t mean it’s always executed. I’m working on it lol. I think it has to do with confidence. Also I need to carefully think about my wardrobe. But then I can’t be fucked and run out with an outfit that I actually hate. It’s okay. We all have style, but that doesn’t mean it’s always on point when we can’t afford it. This is a hard way to look rich.
5. Act precious
Make precious comments and people will think you’re high class, but don’t actually say lies lolol. Something like “I refuse to walk up hills” and boom! You’re a princess= been spoilt= rich. Other remarks that make people think you’re rich!
“I prefer battery free chickens and eggs and always buy them”= actually you should already be doing this and this is a brag
“I hate <name of fast food restaurant>”” . Don’t lie though. Even rich people love McDs and KFC. But saying you hate some food of the plebians, if it’s true, makes people think you’re rich because you don’t like eating trash like the rest of us. I’m working on a fast food restaurant I don’t like. I think I don’t like Wendy’s, but I haven’t eaten much at Wendy’s because I don’t’ like it. Because the food is too expensive LOLOLOL. So I can’t say I hate it because I probably do enjoy their burgers. But I can only afford the $5 meal so I wouldn’t know lololol.
… I think in telling you how to look rich I’ve successfully told you how poor I am…..
But in all seriousness, these tips are all fun and pretty useless, and like The Great Gatsby, if you surround yourself with rich people and you aren’t, you always feel like a fish out of water. You don’t understand what they’re talking about, even though they are speaking English. You don’t fit in because everything they want to do involves money. It is very hard to be the pauper amongst the princesses. This guide, if you can call it that, is merely to help you out with appearances in front of strangers and people that you don’t know that well.
I would thank you for reading this but noone reads my blog OTL (if you ever wonder what that means, its an emoticon of a person bowing. the O is the head, the T is the spine and arms on the ground and the L is the bent legs. Can you see it now?)