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I am a million percent sure that it I was married to a person like my father we would have domestic abuse problems from both ends. I don’t know how my mother refrains from throwing everything at the house at him because I would. Oh god I would love to do that!! It would have made my 13 year old self so happy if I did that. Fuck, it would make my 20 year old self happy!
This is why I don’t want to date or marry an Asian, or at least Chinese.  Like the Asian guys I know are all lovely, but I don’t trust them when they’re angry and I don’t trust them to listen. I know what sort of things could tick them off, such as clothing, the way you talk to them, how you have to respect them and make them feel like a manly man and if you don’t they go apeshit. I know how to appease Asian guys, but I cannot stand their power plays. I HATE it.  Like sure, it would be mega convenient if I got with an Asian, but I just can’t stand the relationship dynamic, where you are bending and flattering the guy constantly, and in exchange he looks after and pampers you.  I don’t like bending for and flattering someone’s ego. And some things I want to do for myself.

On the surface, I admit it is nice. Asian boys always do stuff for you. In America, there was this Korean boy who lived in my dorm and he was super super nice. Like carry my stuff for me, open doors for me, to a point where I was waiting for him to do stuff for me. It’s like that Asian expectation. Rely on the big strong man. Stroke his ego. I need this boy to carry my tray because my delicate fingers can’t hold anything but your money. I don’t mind this stuff because you know, I’m a lazy shit and if it make him feel good about himself, go for it.

But then, because you’re letting him do stuff for you, he thinks he can control you. Or he thinks that you cannot do stuff that he doesn’t like because he helps you.  When you go against it, or if he feels like you’re slipping out of his control, they get angry. Stuff like clothing, making fun of the boy, not listening to them, if he doesn’t like you wearing this or eating that you can’t. I hate it. For me, it feels like that this control, this relationship dynamic is all for the boy, and the girl just lets the boy subtlety tell her what to do. Because Asian guys, they aren’t afraid to grt angry. They don’t really like discussion or compromise. They like arguing, and winning. And if they lose, they sulk.
For example, I know an Asian couple where the girl is not allowed to wear short skirts, boobie baring clothes, high heels. He said he would break up with her if she did.
For some girls, this is fine, because their values are similar, or they want to appease their man. It’s easier to not argue and just do it. It’s just happier.

But for me, I would hate it and not listen to this. I would argue back. My friends know that short skirts, boobie baring tops and high heels are like my uniform. For me, to give in to this, a common thing for Asian men, would be to stop being me and to squash my personality. 

And I would want a boyfriend who I could be me with. Not have to change! 

I like discussions, I like compromise. The thought of pandering and having to flatter a guy to keep him from exploding about how I don’t listen to him/don’t appreciate him makes me sick. I hate stroking egos that don’t deserve it. 

I know that if I dated an Asian, at the beginning I would be really good and I would be on my best behaviour. Then after a few months I would start to argue every time he tried to control me. Stuff like ‘I can do this myself!’  and ‘it’s none of your business!’ and ‘you can’t tell me what to do!’ are things I would have liked to have yelled at a lot of men in my family. 

Most Asians would say it’s because I’ve been Westernised, and it’s true. I grew up in a society where a good relationship was one when both people can be themselves, when it isn’t sexist, and when gender roles were challenged. That is my idea of a good relationship. Where I can be myself and we can talk about things, and where he doesn’t control me, and tell me what to eat and wear and buy and do. Seriously, if I had an Asian boyfriend and he told me to buy some laptop and I bought another one, he would probably go apeshit.
Speaking of laptops, I was once shopping with my friends who are a Chinese couple, and she wanted a new laptop. At one of the laptops, my guy friend was like “that laptop is too big for girls.”
Something like that would get me really angry. But something like that is what Asian girls expect, let slide, or agree.

Although I have been Westernised and everyone knows it, I would still be treated like an Asian in a relationship, if you know what I mean? Like if an Asian guy was with a non Asian girl, he would let things slide, know he can’t tell her what to do. But with me, they may know that I’m westernised, but they would still treat me like a good Chinwse girl who will listen to what they say. Because we both know that it’s expected of me. 

And even if he himself is all Kiwi Asian and liberal, let’s say like my brothers, and can’t speak Chinese at all and is a banana, his parents won’t be. My brothers might not care if their girlfriends go around in a boobtube but my parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents would. Maybe excusable if you’re not Asian, although we would probably talk in our language to your face about how you’re not wearing anything and laugh in front of you but you can’t understand. Asian? You just know you shouldn’t do that.

Because I know how I am expected to act in an Asian relationship, it also influ
ences my behaviour in a relationship. I’m not all “i do what I want” in a relationship and definitely not in the beginning! Because it is my way of being on my best behaviour. A stream of compliments, of letting the guy be the man, and being quite… Girly and nice. Dare I say, submissive like the Asian stereotype. 

And I don’t like guys that manipulate that, or expect it. Guys that think that that’s the way I should always act. Guys that don’t want my best behaviour to change and that if I do something they don’t like, they expect me to change it even if it is a part of my personality.
That is: Asian guys

And guys with Asian girl fetishes!! For fucks sake, get away from me!

I feel like I’ve probably repeated myself a dozen times but yeah. This is why I don’t want to date an Asian guy even if our babies would be guarenteed cute. They don’t make me happy. I know you can’t really choose who you end up with, or who you start liking, and who knows, I might be eating my words.
Asian men, unless they’re Korean and in a boy band, generally I don’t think of them romantically because that relationship is something I fear.

Asian women however!! They’re sexy as fuck. I’m sorry, I’m really biased, but Asian girls are so good. Sooooo gooooodd. They’re like amazing and pretty and amazing and pretty. They’re on a whole new level!!  You are very lucky if you ever get with an Asian girl.

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