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Hello.

There is something that I love very, very much, that I cannot live without that I haven’t talked about on this blog. I need this more than people. I need this more than love. I need this so much that it’s all I think about, all I spend my money on, all I plan on getting my next hit on. I really try not to love it so much but I can’t. I don’t know how. That is

Crack cocaine.

No of fucking course not okay I’m a fucking nerd and a cheapass student I couldn’t afford crack if I wanted it which I don’t because I’m a goody two shoes okay haha

No. I am addicted to FOOOOD.

I am SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.

My relationship with food is not so great. All my life my mother has tried to make me eat less, and eat healthy. She has always criticised my weight and my food choices. When I went to the US, to my horror I found myself repeating the things she said about myself, about how I was fat, about how I shouldn’t eat this, how I shouldn’t eat that. And when I came back, I felt so much pressure with food. Literally, if I ate in front of her she would go on about how I shouldn’t be eating that, and to stop.

My mother doesn’t learn because everything she says…. I do the opposite of. It’s a case of you can’t tell me what to do I live my own life” and I really wonder what I would be like if I didn’t live in defiance of my mother haha. She will go out of her way to make sure I get less food than my brothers. Want to know why Asians are so skinny? It’s because we were brought up this way. It’s pretty sad, but if I did what Mummy said I would be
– makeupless and foureyed 24/7 with no piercings and no contacts
– a cooking and cleaning goddess
– very, very innocent
– basically the perfect little Chinese wife.

Her ban on unhealthy food only makes it more appealing to me. It’s like a battle and everytime I eat something unhealthy it’s like I’m winning. And this unhealthy victory tastes soooo gooooodd. I live for pleaSURE (inside joke haha) and I wwant live my life eating yummy things and doing things I want and like. And unhealthy foods are yummy and I want. I am hedonistic as fuck.

I’M SO HUNGRY. As all that know me irl know, I love nothing more than taking pictures of food for rainy days like these. Here are some of my favourite snaps of victory from top restaurants:

SOMEONE TAKE ME TO KFC. MY EX NEVER TOOK ME TO KFC. HE TOOK ME TO CHIPOTLE AND TACO BELL, BLESS HIM. BUT HE NEVER TOOK ME TO KFC. I’m done. 100000000000000% done with this picture. I am so hungry right now. Someone take to KFC I will 3000000000000% marry you if you wanted right now if you bought me wicked wings. I’ll do it. God. My one and true love. My parents disapprove, so that’s even sexier, fried chicken baby. Let’s run away together. You. Me. Napkins. Amazing. And we will have little fries for children and I will eat you all everyday and die because of you. I love you. I will never leave you. I want to kiss you and eat you. If you are reading this, please avert your eyes. I’m having a bit of a heated moment with my food. Oh my god I want fried chicken so bad.

I had this when I went to my roommate’s hometown for Thanksgiving. Yes I ate it all. I’m going crazy. I can’t look at this. Why. Why can I not enjoy this beauty right now. However, I am thankful I had the experience of you. Fried chicken, I cannot. I cannot. Please be gentle on me. I love you.

Dumplings, gyoza, mandu, whatever. You are fried and I love you. Please  consider being a staple in my life and loving me as much as I love you. You are very tasty and you are beautiful inside and out.

Ho ho ho, my favourite. Ramen, or some sort of soupy noodle. Eurgh. Eurgh. Why. I hate you, let me swim in your soup. Sometimes I think about you in the night. You, me, just hanging out. I remember the fun times we had, the secrets we shared. When I am awake, you are always on my mind. The thought of you makes me so happy, followed by the thought of not being to have you, both thoughts hand in hand like we used to be, depresses me beyond words. You make my heart spin into turmoil, all my strongest emotions mashed together so strongly that polar opposites, like noodles and dumplings, cannot be opposites if they get along so well together. I love you, but I hate you. You make me so happy, you make me so sad. You make me feel better, you hurt me. I lost all control of myself when I met you, and I don’t know how I can be the same again. I know I cannot have you the way I want to (in your pure authentic Japanese form) but I can dream about you and me doing all the things I wanted to do with you, because only in my dreams are you mine. Which is a paradox, because you are not mine, and so if you are mine in my dreams you are not really you and I love you. My ramen, I miss you so much. I didn’t want this to happen so badly, so why did it? Why are we seperated, and why do I remember you so well. I never knew I could feel this way, and I never knew that I could walk away. Ramen baby, you will always be better than any other men. I miss you πŸ™
Ahahahahah what was that? Am I crying over food? Ahahaha.
I love you food. I can count on you to always fill me up when I’m feeling empty! Food is my druuuggg. I wish I could have a personal chef to cook me all this all the time. Where’s my Sanji? (ohhhhhh I went there for like, the 5 people in this world who would truly get this).
Food is love, and I could never stop loving you. I just ate and I am very unsatisfied. Ramen, fried chicken, may the food gods bring you into my life again one day.
wtf is this post hahahaha

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