Okay, I am sorry to be one of those people that love harking on about their dreams and you’re like, I. Don’t. Care. It’s not real life. It didn’t happen. Don’t talk to me about the scenes your brain is processing when you are unconscious that only have meaning to you.
I find those stories soo boring when people start talking, and am only interested when it involves me..
So I don’t think anyone will like this post haha. But a few nights ago I had such a sad dream that I was like 🙁 🙁 and I even got up to write it down on a piece of paper in the middle of the night because I didn’t want to forget. And honestly, it’s still in my mind at the moment.. and for fuck’s sake, it wasn’t even real! 🙁 🙁
Anyway, it was about last year, and I was in my school uniform, which has a green blazer. I had good makeup on, contacts, good hair and my legs were long. Long. I’m 4’11. I don’t have long legs at all!
So I was walking around in the street and my high school boy comes along and starts walking with me up the hill that leads to my school from a park. I keep telling him that it’s not real, that this happened last year, so that this must be a dream. The sun was shining, blue sky and white clouds, I remember because I was looking up. And he kept trying to tell me that it was real, that it wasn’t a dream. But I knew, that this was a dream. I was leaning on him and holding hands as we were walking up this hill, and I actually believed that it was real life just before I woke up.
How fucking depressing 🙁
It is depressing because that dream was everything I wanted last year. I wanted to have good makeup and hair. I wanted contacts. I wanted proportionate, sexy legs haha. And I wanted my high school boy! What makes me extra sad was that last year that dream would have made my day (or should I say, night). It was everything I wanted. But now, everything’s changed so that dream does not make me happy- it makes me sad to remember the things I so desperately hoped for, but now mean nothing to me. I actually hoped to dream about those things at night.
But now, I have good makeup. I am at a intermediate level with my liquid eyeliner now! I can do a mean wing haha. I went to a NZ hair dresser for the first time in my life yesterday, I wear contacts everyday and I can wear clothes that actually fit me now instead of a heinous school uniform. (okay, it wasn’t that heinous- it was pretty good, except my legs weren’t long enough to make my skirt look sexy enough and my shirt was too small in the bust so it looked like I was bursting out :P) I have been called cute and pretty so many times this year- I sound like I’m bragging but actually, I used to never get called cute or pretty before this year. No compliments at all about my looks haha! Biggest compliments I would get were ‘you are very smart’ ‘you are very funny’ XP XP BUT there was a boy who said I looked like a little chinese doll.. I thought it was a good compliment!
But the thing that got me depressed was the fact that I didn’t have my high school boy! I never had my high school boy in the first place, he was like a mannequin. He was the epitome of my high school experience. Disappointing, and hyped up in my head. But it’s not until it’s gone that I miss it! I sort of thought I was the shizz last year. I wasn’t arrogant or anything, but I was very confident and assured of my place. I had my little niche in school that I had been digging for 5 years. I knew everything about my high school, my teachers, how assessments went, didn’t need to worry about anything because I already knew it. My own significance I hyped up in my head, because I thought I was an important person at school haha. I couldn’t wait to leave! But now that I have, I’m glad that I’m out and put down to earth, although I sort of miss it 😛 okay not really, I’m glad I’m out of that shit hole I think I only liked only about 10 people by the end of the year haha.
Same as my boy- when I was with him, I didn’t really like him. He had a bad personality- in short, he was a dick. But when he wasn’t there, I hyped him up in my head- I made him funny, reciprocating, and kind. He so wasn’t! Well, he had his moments. Which were few and far between. And now that I will probably never see him again unless we bump into each other on the bus, I actually DON’T miss him. I never think about him. I was never into stalking his facebook page. That was how I knew I didn’t like him that much- I didn’t want to stalk his facebook page! I didn’t like who he actually was- I liked my dream Prince Charming :X
But that dream put me off balance, as if to say ‘this was what you wanted before! When you thought he was meant for you, and when all you wanted was to be pretty with nice legs!’
I guess I’m just sad about how much things can change within months… it was only 7months ago that that would have been my perfect life.. and now, I have achieved some stuff and don’t care about the rest. It’s the sad, sad moment when your thoughts become a memory 🙁 I remember thinking about it and wanting it! And now.. it’s in the past 🙁
“All of your sorrows, maybe tomorrow, will fade away in the end”.. this was a line in a song I sang for my primary graduation. I remember feeling nostalgic and shit. And I was only 11! In 7 short years it changed 🙁 and it 7 more years I shall be 25 and hopefully my life will all be different there too 🙁
aaahhh *nostalgic and shit*